The Yin and Yang thing about life is that it’s filled with highs and lows, all teaching us valuable lessons.~ unknown
Over the past year I’ve had some life and career changes which have affected my energy and motivation. Overall, I found myself struggling to rediscover my purpose and it has been challenging to find joy and overall happiness. During these times, I’ve found that it’s extra important to simply feel these feelings. While meditating, writing and/or journaling help, I haven’t always been consistent with these activities. That said, those who know me best understand that I need to comprehend these emotions. So, I aim to unpack this elusive concept of happiness.
In our modern world, we’re constantly inundated with messages about the importance of being happy. We hear about feeling joyful and striving for positive vibes. Many people expect happiness to be the default state. Then when it isn’t, they feel they’re doing something wrong. But this pursuit of endless happiness sets an unrealistic expectation. It can actually detract from our well-being. This pursuit leaves us feeling more dissatisfied than fulfilled.
The truth is, happiness isn’t meant to be a permanent state, and understanding this can be a liberating realization. Life, much like the ancient concept of yin and yang, requires balance. Just as night complements day and silence complements sound, difficult emotions serve a purpose alongside the positive ones. Only by embracing both sides of the spectrum can we cultivate a richer, more grounded experience of life.
The Negativity Bias: A Survival Tool
Human beings are biologically hardwired with what psychologists call a “negativity bias.” This bias evolved as a survival mechanism. Our ancestors faced immediate and constant threats from predators or environmental dangers. Staying alert to potential dangers was essential. It’s no wonder that we are wired to notice negative things more acutely than positive ones. These instincts kept us alive.
Today, nonetheless, few of us are at risk of being eaten by tigers or chased by predators. Yet, the same ancient circuitry remains. Our minds are still scanning for threats. Whether real or imagined, this leads to an instinctual pull toward anxiety, fear, and worry. In our pursuit of happiness, we often forget a crucial fact. Our brains aren’t wired to keep us constantly joyful. They are designed to help us survive.
The Myth of Constant Happiness
Social media, movies, and advertising often glamorize an idealized version of life. These highlight reels are often perpetually full of happy moments and positive emotions. We know that life isn’t a beer commercial yet we seem to strive for it. But expecting to feel happy all the time is not only unrealistic it’s also unhealthy. At best, a person achieving high self-awareness and self-actualization will experience positive emotions about half of the time.
This 50/50 balance isn’t an accident or a flaw. It’s the design of our emotional experience and is crucial for growth, resilience, and meaningful living. Negative emotions have just as much value as positive ones. They prompt us to think, learn, adapt, and ultimately grow. Often, we face challenges and hardships. Through these experiences, we discover what really matters to us. We also develop the skills to pursue it.
Learning to Accept—and Embrace—Negative Emotions
We should not try to rid ourselves of sadness, frustration, or fear. Instead, we can learn to see these emotions as integral parts of our human experience. When we allow ourselves to feel our emotions fully, we avoid labeling them as “good” or “bad.” We start to realize that they are all transient states. These emotions pass through us.
Accepting that negative emotions are part of the experience opens us up to appreciating happiness when it does arrive. Think of it like the seasons. Just as spring feels more beautiful after the winter, happiness feels more profound when we have felt sorrow. We also feel it more deeply after experiencing disappointment and struggle.
The Growth that Comes from Struggle
In Daoism philosophy, the wisdom of the Yin-Yang is to see how a world without light would be hellish. A world of constant day would be equally unbearable. The symbol has proved so powerful. It constantly reminds us that life is about finding harmony out of opposition. This statement resonates because it acknowledges that life is inherently filled with both joy and challenge. If we view life as a process of growth, the difficulties we face become part of our personal evolution. We should not seek uninterrupted happiness. Our struggles make us more empathetic. They build our resilience and give us insights into who we are and what we want from life.
We often grow the most during difficult times. These moments can push us to seek new perspectives, find inner strength, and build resilience. So rather than avoiding discomfort, we can choose to see it as a teacher that guides us toward greater self-understanding.
Redefining Happiness as Balance
True happiness, then, is not about feeling good all the time. Instead, it’s about finding balance. It’s about knowing that emotions are temporary states, not permanent residences. When we accept both the light and dark sides of our experience, we find a deeper peace. We understand that our worth, our purpose, and our value are not defined by our happiness on any given day.
Let’s stop chasing an elusive and constant happiness. Instead, let’s aim for a balanced life where all emotions are welcome. These emotions should be appreciated. We can remember that feeling “good” about half the time is actually a very high bar. This perspective allows space for personal growth. It encourages meaningful connections and an authentic life. Such a life celebrates the full range of human experience.
Now, it’s your turn.
How do you experience your difficult emotions? Do you embrace them or avoid them? How do you find balance between the positive and negative forces in your life? What was the greatest lesson you’ve learned that came out of a challenging time for you? Share in the comments.
Work-Life Design Studio 