MBTI, Personality, Self-Awareness, Striving Styles, Who are you meant to be?

What makes you unique?

 “Always be yourself, retain individuality, listen to the truest part of yourself.” ~ Marilyn Monroe

Do you know what makes you unique? Each of us is born perfectly unique. We can see this unique beauty in babies and children who are happy and free within their own skin. Then over time and as we grow up, social and cultural conditioning, the need to fit in, to get along, to be liked by others slowly erodes our uniqueness and in many ways encourages us to be who we think we should be rather than who we actually are. This experience of being removed from our true self can leave us unsure of ourselves and lacking in confidence, energy, and motivation. It also robs us of the peace that comes from being ourselves and comfortable within our own skin.

“True belonging is the spiritual practice of believing in and belonging to yourself so deeply that you can share your most authentic self with the world and find sacredness in both being a part of something and standing alone in the wilderness. True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are; it requires you to be who you are.”  ~ Brene Brown

Can you think back to a time when you tried to be someone you’re not? Maybe in a new relationship or in a new job you attempted to present yourself in a certain light that didn’t represent who you were. No doubt this left you feeling uncomfortable and unsure. It can also drain your natural energy and draw your awareness away from your grounded self. In contrast, being yourself is the most natural and fulfilling way to walk through your days. It leaves you feeling you energized, inspired, confident, and fulfilled.

3 things you can do to discover what makes you unique

  1. Reflect on yourself as a child. Was there something that you loved or something that you did that in some way has stayed with you? This practice or habit may have changed shape as you’ve become an adult but in its essence, it is still part of who you are. Perhaps it’s a love of drawing, a deep concern for others, or a love of nature. Maybe it’s a sense of adventure, a thirst for knowledge, a love of singing, dancing, or music. Just allow an image idea or feeling to arrive in your mind and heart.
  2. Consider how loved ones describe you.  Another way to get in touch with your uniqueness is to reflect on how others see you. How have loved ones described you? Perhaps in birthday cards, during a speech, or a conversation. If you haven’t experienced this in words, just imagine what friends and family love about you.  
  3. Take a personality/strengths assessment.  They will help you to define yourself more clearly. I happen to love personality assessments of any kind and find them incredibly insightful in understanding what makes us tick, including our behaviour, how we work the best, and what motivates us. There are many available, some of the most common are Myers-Briggs, Enneagram, Strengthsfinder, Striving Styles, and many others. I work with the Striving Styles because it helps us understand our brain, our personality traits, as well as drivers of human behaviour, motivations, fears while providing a comprehensive approach to development.

We all know that life is full of ups and downs, moments of great joy and great difficulty. Throughout our life we are presented with all sorts of situations that can make it difficult to live our deepest values and share our unique self, to remain awake and aware. Family breakdown, a stressful work situation, health issues, financial troubles, or just a general sense of tiredness and overwhelm all make living our values and sharing our uniqueness hard. We can feel tempted to fall back in a daze of modern-day busyness and old behavioural patterns and habits. During these challenging times, we can draw upon our confidence and sense of self through self-awareness and being mindfully present. Through this connection, we can once again reconnect with our values, our purpose and, our uniqueness.

In this funny and insightful Ted Talk, Brian Little dissects the differences between introverts and extroverts and explains why your personality may be more malleable than you think.

Ted Talk: Who are you, really? The puzzle of personality | Brian Little

Now, it’s your turn.

What are your unique qualities? Have you completed a personality assessment? What did you learn about yourself? Share in the comments below.

Photo by Alexandru Dinca from Pexels

MBTI, Personality, Striving Styles

Will your (MBTI) personality type determine your success?

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“Success is peace of mind which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to become the best you are capable of becoming.” ~ John Wooden

The short answer is no. There is not one particular Myers-Briggs (MBTI) personality type that is directly correlated to successful outcomes.  No one type is better than another and each type have their own unique strengths, weaknesses and gifts. For example, an INTJ is not any more likely to be successful than an ESFP.  In addition, there is so much more to you than your type such as your upbringing environment, your unique tastes and traits that make you a unique individual.  No matter what personality type we are born with, we all have the ability to be successful.   While success is somewhat subjective to the individual, I think it’s described best as those who achieve their goals or live in alignment with their life vision and values.

So what does determine your success?  Ultimately, it is your habits, mindset, and utilizing the capabilities of your full brain that will determine your success.

That said, knowing and understanding your personality type, your strengths, your preferred working styles, will absolutely contribute to your personal and professional success.  While on its own it, knowing your type won’t impact success or performance outcomes, it is a key first step in developing self-awareness which is an important and foundational factor related to your overall success.

One of the most beneficial outcomes of learning about personality type is you will feel understood.  It will also help you improve relationships and become a better communicator with people who process things differently than you do, and reduce conflict both at home and at work.

Your MBTI describes your unique characteristics, how you process information, your preferences, and how you interact with the world.  Each personality type has a dominant mental process and an inferior mental process, and everyone has a natural preference for one of the two opposites.  Our inferior processes tend to be the sources of many of our weaknesses and embarrassments while our dominant processes tend to be easier for us to master and use effectively.   The best way to explains this is that we all have a preferred hand to write with which is easier for us, but that doesn’t mean we never use the other hand.  For example, if you’re right-handed and you suddenly try to switch to writing with your left hand you could do it, but it would take a log more time and it would look a lot sloppier.

Here is a brief explanation of the MBTI:

  • There are four MBTI dichotomies:
    • Introversion (I) or Extraversion (E) describes where you get your energy. Extroverts gain energy from interaction with the outside world while Introverts gain energy from pondering their thoughts
    • Intuitive (N) or Sensing (S) describes how you gather information. Intuitives focus on the abstract, theoretical, and “unseen” while Sensors focus on the concrete, literal, and real details of the world around them and their experience with it.
    • Thinking (T) or Feeling (F) describes how you make decisions. Thinking types “step outside” of a decision to consider the logic, pros and cons, and the truth of a situation. Feeling types “step inside” a decision to consider how it will impact the people involved, whether harmony will be maintained, and whether the decisions aligns with their values
    • Judging (J) or Perceiving (P) describes how you interact with the outside world. Judging types like to have a schedule and a plan. They like to get all their work done before “playing”.  Perceiving types like to mix work and play, and have an open-ended, spontaneous schedule. They like to stay open for new opportunities and inspiration.
  • Everyone has a natural preference for one of the two opposites on each of the four dichotomies.
  • They describe preferences
  • There is no right or wrong
  • You use all 8 of the preferences, but you prefer four
  • Sometimes how we are at home, at work, alter our personalities to fit that environment.

*Contact me if you would like to know your MBTI personality type

While understanding your personality type is incredibly insightful in knowing our strengths and development areas, this alone will not help you achieve your goals, or ultimately determine your success.  It is learning what to do with that knowledge, and how to go about making changes in our life so we can live more fully that will make us successful.

Learning how to utilize and develop your “full” brain, while uncovering and replacing your old stories and habits of mind that no longer serve you with those that are more in line with supporting your best selves, starts first with self-awareness.  However, this is just the first step because then we need to “do the work”.  This is the hard stuff.

This is why I think the Striving Styles Personality System (SSPS) is so incredibly effective and offers a more comprehensive development process.  It provides a systematic approach to building self-awareness and emotional intelligence for those who want to achieve personal goals and reach their full potential.

The SSPS is an evolution of Carl Jung’s research on personality type and the MBTI.  While I have extensively used and worked with the MBTI in organizations, and still believe the MBTI is a very effective tool  when integrated into leadership and employee development programs, for improving teams, coaching individuals, and career planning, it doesn’t identify what is getting in the way of achieving our potential.

The SSPS development process helps us to examine our mindset and uncovers those negative habits of mind, including your shadow fears, beliefs, and triggers, that ultimately undermine your efforts, ambitions and potential.  It helps us understand how our brains are organized and hardwired, as well as the specific needs and emotions that drive your behaviour.  It helps identify behavioural patterns we developed as children that no longer serve us.  It offers a deeper understanding of your predominant style, your major psychological needs and fears that are associated with your style, and your associate styles, so you can look at some of the things that might be getting in YOUR way of achieving your potential.

The SSPS is a development tool that offers a way of understanding ourselves, which helps us be able to answer the questions “who are we meant to be?” and what is it that is getting in the way of achieving our full potential.

Your success will be determined by getting clear on what you want in your life and how you want to show up for yourself and others, by valuing your unique strengths and your quirks, and by developing good habits, and developing a positive mindset.  As usual, I like Maya Angelou definition of success:

“Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.” ~ Maya Angelou

As a bonus, here are some other factors will determine your success:

  • Have a growth mindset, defined by Carol Dweck as “people believe that their most basic abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work—brains and talent are just the starting point. This view creates a love of learning and a resilience that is essential for great accomplishment.”
  • Get clear on what you want in your life and what does it looks like (1 year, 5 years, 10 years). Your vision statement should describe where you are going to be, and the values you will use to get you there.
  • Know your “why” of your vision because it is your ultimate motivator and is the one the thing that will inspire you and those around you.
  • Utilize meta-habits, or those foundational habits that enhance your ability to adopt other habits, such as exercise, self-knowledge, meditation, quality sleep, etc.
  • Believe that you have self-determination, the belief that you have control over your choices and your life.

Photo source: Susan Wheeler (pink rose in my garden, North Vancouver, BC)